


Someone you loved

by darija305



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, And while editing it, Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Nymphadora Tonks Lives, Or Is It?, Post-Hogwarts, Remadora, Remus Lupin Lives, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Yeah it probably is I'm sorry, i cried while writing this :), no happy ending, no teddy, so good luck I guess, unrequited remadora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:55:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28758426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darija305/pseuds/darija305
Summary: Remus left Tonks just three weeks after their wedding and now, four years later, she's getting married to someone else.
Relationships: Nymphadora Tonks/Original Male Character(s), Remus Lupin & Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Someone you loved

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where Remus left Tonks earlier than canon so therefore Teddy doesn't exist.

Pain. That's all Remus felt since he left Dora just a few weeks after their wedding.

_ Wedding _ . He was married. Married to someone who loved him unconditionally, truly, strongly… To someone he loved the same, if not more.  To someone so amazing, beautiful, brave, strong \- so perfect you ask yourself what they were thinking when they wanted to marry a shabby, old, poor, broken , cowardly man like him. He couldn't bear  the looks his wife got whenever they were in public together,  people whispering to each other.  Even her own parents were disgusted by their marriage.  Other family members (if you could even call them that) were trying to kill her because of who she married.

So, he left.

It hurt, it really did; leaving the  love of his  life, the  sunshine in his cloudy  and grey world. 

Remus left in the middle of the night. While she was in  their bed, wearing  _ his _ old  shirt, sleeping blissfully and unaware of her husband leaving her .

That was  four years ago. And  tonight, just like many before, he was thinking of her. Dora. His  beautiful and stubborn and clumsy and cute Dora.  _ Well… not his, not anymore _ _ , _ he thought sadly, looking over at the other side of the bed where, if he wasn't such a coward and  a fool  \- she would be sleeping right now. He could  _ see  _ her pink hair all over the pillow, even  _ feel _ it on his  cheek  as if she's there and he's  holding her.  Her arms wrapped around him and her head in the crook of his neck , her breath warming him. 

Tears welled up in his eyes as he  thought about her . 

He  remembered what the first few months after he  left were like … 

He  went to  the underground again trying to  get werewolves on  their side.  In  the hopes of that , he  told them that there are  people who won't care  about their lycanthropy and would even want to  marry them ,  that not everyone is prejudiced .  Then he  was called out for  his actions .

„ You're a hypocrite, you know that, lad?” one of the older werewolves named Daniel said. „You say that there is hope for everyone to find  a love and marry when  _ you _ 're the one who left your wife because  of what you are."

That hurt . A  lot .

After another failed mission, he went to stay at the Burrow and prayed to Merlin that she wasn't there.  He  couldn't  see her. It would break him and his resolve and he would go back to her. And he couldn't do that, no. He had to protect her – that is what's important.

Thankfully , Dora  wasn't there and Molly didn't scowl at  him for  leaving the poor girl _ again _ __ after he  vowed in front  of them that he  won't .  She didn't even mention her directly to  him .  But he  didn't know should he  be relieved or worried about that .  Was Dora holding  up alright ?  _ Of  _ _ course _ __ _ not _ , he  thought ,  _ you _ __ _ left _ __ _ her _ __ _ in _ __ _ the _ __ _ middle _ __ _ of _ __ _ the _ __ _ night _ __ _ just _ __ _ three _ __ _ weeks _ __ _ after _ __ _ marrying _ _ her _ _. _

They talked about the Order and whenever her name slipped ,  everyone went silent for a  few moments ,  glancing at  him .

He just pretended it didn't tear him apart inside whenever his wife was mentioned.  Pretending he wasn't hurting – somehow hurt  even more.

It was three in the morning and Remus Lupin was crying in his bed,  tear after tear sliding down his scarred face  onto the pillow .  Today ,  in about twelve hours ,  his Dora  won't be his anymore .  He  won't be able to  get her back ,  hold her ever again .  She now belongs to  someone else .  Someone he  wanted her to  find and now when she did \- he  couldn't bear the pain he  felt .  His heart felt like it got split in half .  Remus felt numb ,  like nothing in this world will make  him stand up again .  Not even the books he  read all the time  just to  get his mind off Dora.  Now ,  whenever he  tried to  read, countless memories of them reading together popped up in his mind .  And no  matter how hard he  tried; he just  couldn't get them out .

Whatever he did these last few weeks since Kingsley accidentally slipped the news of Dora's  wedding - everything reminded him of her.  The happiest  moments of his life. 

He  barely made breakfast every morning because the memories of them together cooking made him go mad . He  never slept so little as he  did now . All he  could think about was Dora. Dora. 

As  the days got closer to  her wedding ,  in his memories Remus  got replaced by a  faceless man .  Dora's future  husband . 

Those were the worst . He  couldn't stand even a single  thought about Dora  with another man .

All  those years ago  when she was running after him and trying to  get him back , he  kept telling her to  find someone else . But he  didn't actually think it would happen .  He  was selfish and always counted on  her to  be there . 

And now she's getting married ,  married to  another man .

Remus and Dora's  wedding  was small but beautiful.  Neither of them  were the big fancy wedding lovers. He wore a nice suit he had when James and Lily were getting married \- to have them  with him, a small watch on his wrist that his dad gave him, hair neat,  shoes new and shiny. And she,  Merlin , she  looked like an angel. Her hair was peach coloured with matching  converse sneakers. Her wedding dress was just below her knee and it had thin  straps showing her beautiful arms. Her neck had a necklace with a moon on it which was a gift he had bought her  for their first Christmas as a couple. Dora had a beautiful veil and a small bouquet of  flowers in her hand. 

There wasn't a lot of guests; her parents, his father, the Weasleys  and Moody , who Remus swore he saw cry. Which is weird because Alastor “Mad-Eye” Moody never cries. Dora's father brought her to him,  gave Remus  his daughters hand. Even though he probably didn't even like his son-in-law, he saw how happy Dora was when she was with him and how sad  she was without him and that's what matters right? If a person is happy, no one will take that happiness away from them but  themselves.

Remus wished he  knew that four years before but  he didn't ,  so he  took the happiness from both of them .

Their first dance was the highlight of the  day.  It's one of his  favourite memories, although  it pained him every  time he remembered it. 

The sun was slowly setting and  there they  were ; Remus and  Dora - Mr. and Mrs. Lupin , dancing slowly.  They danced to their favourite song which  was playing  on their first date in a Muggle restaurant. It got stuck in Dora's head and she was  singing  it the whole way to her flat, where he stayed that night.  Just then he realized what a beautiful voice she actually had and he couldn't help but sing  with her. It  sort of became their song so it felt perfect  for them to dance to it  for  the first time as husband and wife.

Now whenever he  hears it on  the wireless , he  just wants to  cover his ears or sometimes even throw the bloody thing out the window.

_ … _

He  doesn't know what made him do  it , but he  went to  the wedding .  Not right there obviously , but  since it was outside ,  he  hid behind a  tree .

Remus knew it's going to  hurt watching them but a  small ,  selfish part of him hoped she would change her mind . He  hoped he  would get her back . 

Remus wanted Dora to  be Mrs.  Lupin again …

It's going to be the first time he's going to see her in three years. Last he saw her in the final battle, and that was only a glimpse of her fighting bravely and strongly like she always does. It's going to be the first time he saw her fiancé or soon-to-be husband, too. He didn't like him already because he has something that belongs to Remus.  _ It belonged. _

He  didn't know where all of this jealousy and selfishness came from suddenly .  It was so unlike him .  But  that is what Dora  does to  him ;  drives him crazy and messes with his head .

The wedding looked bigger than theirs .  He  didn't know how Dora  felt about that … 

Looking through the guests he saw a lot of familiar faces: the entire Weasley clan, Kingsley,  Hestia, Dora's parents and her best friend Jade, even McGonagall came. 

And then he saw  _ him _ . The man who ruined  Remus' whole life.  _ You did that yourself, _ Remus reminded himself again. Dora's husband-to-be looked entirely different than Remus. He had dark hair that was styled neatly. His black suit looked expensive and new. He looked nervous. Just like Remus did.

The ceremony didn't start for another few minutes and with every passing one,  Remus' heart started beating harder and harder. He was sweating and holding onto a tree trunk afraid his knees would give out. 

Gentle music  started playing and at  this point ,  Remus could barely breathe .  It was time.

And then he saw her. His Dora. 

Although Dora was always beautiful, today was different. She was  _ stunning _ . Her hair was shoulder length and pink.  Remus' favourite colour on her. The dress she wore was simple and elegant. She wore white flats and had a lovely flower crown on her head. 

She looked like a  goddess .

Remus '  heart was beating so hard  he  was afraid it'll explode . 

The ceremony started and he felt sick. Everything was so perfect and Dora had eyes only for the man next to her. And Remus had eyes only for her.

Kingsley was the one who married them, funnily enough. Remus considered him one of his closest friends. But he was also Dora's friend, and he couldn't be mad at him. It wasn't Kingsley's fault Remus was an idiot. When Kingsley asked if anyone had a reason for Dora and the git to not get married, Remus wanted to scream. To shout so loud everyone would hear him. Because he had a  reason they shouldn't get married; he still loved Dora. Never stopped. And probably never will. 

And then it happened .  Kingsley announced it .  The git pulled Dora  into his arms and kissed her .  What's worse –  Remus saw Dora  kiss him back .  _ Of _ __ _ course _ __ _ she _ __ _ did _ _.  _ _ They're _ __ _ married _ __ _ now _ _.  _

He  sadly watched them walk away ,  hand in hand , Dora  grinning and waving her bouquet in the air .  She looked happy .  Good for  her .  That makes one  of them .

Remus gave a long sigh and finally - fell to the ground. He was tired and heartbroken. 

Brushing his hand through his grey hair , a  golden band  on  his finger caught his eye . 

He  still wore the ring.  Even after four years , he  still had  it . He  did not take  it off one time.  That ,  along with the painful memories ,  was the only thing that he had  that reminded him of Dora  and their marriage .  Of the fact he had a  normal life he  always dreamed of but  threw it away . 

Thinking of Dora's happiness, he wondered if she was even happy with Remus. If she was, will she be happy with her new husband? Did she still love him, even though she's married to someone else now? What would have happened if Remus did yell – say he didn't want her to get married? Would she have said yes to Remus? Or to her now husband?

Sighing heavily once again, Remus stood up on his shaky legs. He gave a last glance at the wedding  and out of all the guests, he only noticed Dora. She was dancing happily with her father, a big smile Remus loved was on her face. 

Tears began to  fall down his face  and Remus didn't even notice them .  He  was only concentrating on Dora.  Always Dora.  The only person he  ever loved .  And the only person he  will ever love. 

Suddenly full of anger, he grabbed the ring from his finger and threw it in the bushes that separated him from the wedding. He turned around and disapparated.

And with that, he left his heart at Dora's wedding, along with his wedding ring inside of which was engraved:  _ R&N forever. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed (or not) this story! It's one of my first fics I've ever written and I just recently found it and deided to publish it. Reviews would be very appreciated!


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